Throughout 2020 (and likely a few years before) I had been having some weird bodily symptoms: my fingers were often tingly to the point of being numb; I was tired most of the time; I had lightning bolt attacks of vertigo, and my eyes often misbehaved with blurriness or spinning; I had memory issues and difficulty finding words I wanted. At the time, I really wasn’t that worried. This kind of thing happens to everyone, I told myself. Eventually I did start to think something more was wrong.

After a few different doctor visits, in late 2021 I finally was diagnosed via blood test with Celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that causes my immune system to attack my digestive system if I consume gluten. I had been “gluten light” for a while, knowing that I didn’t feel my best after meals heavy with bread or sweets. I established a 100% gluten free diet immediately and, though I’ve had some accidental exposures, I’ve been able to embrace it fairly easily.

Some of my symptoms persisted, however, and after a very odd experience with full body numbness and muscle weakness, a friend of mine encouraged me to go back to the doctor’s office. I had my first MRI and was referred to a neurologist. By mid-2022 I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) after a confirmation lumbar puncture. For this autoimmune disorder, my immune system attacks my nervous system. I have a few lesions on my brain, a couple most notably in my speech and memory center.

I started a disease modifying treatment (DMT) as soon as I could, and I believe it’s really helped. I still have symptoms that remind me that I’m “sick” every day, but hopefully the progression of this disease is dramatically slowed down.

With my dear friends Holly and Melanie during the 2022 Minnesota Yarn Shop Hop: just a couple days before half of my body went numb.

My DMT means that my immune system is suppressed. This is a tricky thing to get used to: I’ve had times when I was sure I should be getting sick but I haven’t. When I was sure that maybe I accidentally consumed gluten through cross-contamination, but digestive symptoms have been muted, too. But having a weakened immune system doesn’t mean I get sick more often: it really means that my immune system is a little “lazier” about finding foreign invaders and when I do get sick, it’s quite serious and could potentially harm more of my body.

Sometimes I can talk about all of this very easily. And some days… it’s all too much. I’m only 43. I have so much more that I want to see and do! I do not want to let these diseases stop me from enjoying what I love: traveling. Experiencing. Documenting. Sharing.

But, I did let it. It stopped me from writing here for a long time. I buried myself in happy little games like Animal Crossing and knitting has become an endurance sport (though I’m still quite a slow knitter). These are my escapes and they help me enjoy my downtime, but sometimes they also make me feel disconnected. Some days the routine gets to me: sleep, eat, work, knit, repeat. Life has been passing by so quickly, and though I have numerous beautiful sweaters to show for it, I also fear forgetting the memories.

Lately I’ve been feeling the draw back to this space. I want to take more time to remember where I’ve been, what I’ve seen, and the delicious gluten-free food I’ve eaten. I want to share those memories. I want to document.

The question on my mind these days: what do I want to keep?

I want to keep these precious moments.

So, this is my first step. Just writing it all out. I’m very hopeful that I can borrow some time from my knitting marathon to get back here again soon. I have so much to tell you about!

Like that time I practically stumbled upon meeting Sparky the Unicorn while I was out doing some holiday shopping. I pet a unicorn and it blew a kiss at me!

I hope you’re able to enjoy a gentle holiday in your chosen way, and thank you so much for joining me here.